Would it be so horrible to play pretend?

me: I don't want to play pretend. I would be offended if someone accused me of playing pretend, because I don't want to play. I'm only dealing with this "system" of mine because I fucking have no choice, because it's concretely, painfully real in a way I can't escape. This is the real opinion of whatever the fuck me is typing right now, and I also think this is the core frustration expressed by sysmeds — these other people could theoretically just stop being plural if they wanted to, and meanwhile, I CAN'T stop being plural even though I DO want to, and that's a fundamental difference in experience.

also me: YAY LETS PLAY PRETEND :)))))) I love pretending to be my brain people yay yay let's play harmony friends together yay yay! I love playing pretend with my headmates and imaginary friends who are headmates and alters and headmates and imaginary friends they're all the same with me! created systems and people having fun with plurality and the idea that plurality could be aspirational all fill me with joy and inspiration. burn all sysmedicalism to the ground. we are all plural together and that matters more than our differences

also me: oh god I pretended I was plural so good that I tricked myself into believing it and I tricked my therapist into diagnosing me with DID and I'm going to pay. they're all going to find out I created my system at 30 and I'm going to pay. those memories of clearly having plural experiences at 11 don't count. my therapist's and my partner's observations of my system don't count. I can choose to stop this. I can choose to stop this. I can choose to stop this. I can stop being plural right now, which is good, because I want and need to. I can choose to stop this.

also me: hey taichi digimon adventure can you make me some pizza rolls