Harmony Friends' blog

NOTE: Originally posted September 17, 2023.

It's tough to make stuff when "I'm only a good person when I make stuff" is no longer part of your motivation. And, like, good riddance to that! But now that I am not living under the abuse that made me feel that way, it's hard to justify making a game over, like, taking a nap.

I'm chronically ill and multiply disabled. It's hard enough to do a passable impression of a housewife. That's a full-time job in of itself.

But it's frustrating. I'm glad I have more reasons to want to live than making stuff now, but I still want to make stuff.

We're working hard on trying to get me to a place where I can do more with my life, and indeed my creative productivity this year is finally up from 2021-2022. But it's still not a lot compared to where I used to be back when I was cracking the whip so hard at myself.

I won't crack the whip again. I don't think I have it in me even if I wanted to, in truth. It hurt to live that way, and I've found better ways to live.

I just want the joy of more consistent creation back in my life. I just want to find a way to make that happen.

—🌟Mara