Harmony Friends' blog

NOTE: Originally posted July 3, 2023.

hate fakeclaimers and their influence so fucking much for lots of reasons but personally because it has led to a situation where parts of our brain are more willing to trust a medicalist exclusionist tumblr fuckboy than our therapist AND our partner AND the rest of our brain

"real did dot tumblr dot com" or something says that our "pseudosystem" is a dangerous mentally unhealthy extrapolation we've mistakenly taken from our BPD+OCD symptoms and that idea is so compelling because those symptoms obviously are inextricable from our system experience

it is ironic really because the obsession with something we read on some asshole's stupid blog once is way more actually OCD than the supposed obsession we have with performing systemhood to ourselves to convince ourselves we are a system (which is actually just us vibing)

screaming "stop putting on this charade! who are you trying to fool! we don't have alters, we don't have amnesia, we don't have DID or OSDD!" all the time is also a great way to avoid actually introspecting about one's role in our system and personal, alter-specific issues…

It would in fact be easier if this all went away, and they see that as meaning that it's supposed to "go away" — but it wouldn't actually go away; we'd just stop thinking about it and go back to the way we used to be, and, like, beyond the fact that that would suck, we genuinely don't have the capability to do it

That's what sucks the most about them having something to latch onto to justify them portraying our plurality as something that both can and ought to be discarded — they see us as intentionally keeping up a performance when in truth we can't stop for them even if we wanted to (and sometimes in the throes of their pain we genuinely truly do wish we could make it go away for them)

It hurts to have your own mind sobbing at you "stop! please stop doing this! for the love of god stop acting like this" and know that it genuinely thinks you're purposefully not giving it the impossible thing it wants because it was told it was both possible and imperative

and like to be clear our therapist says we have DID. those of us who believe we are a system don't even believe you need DID or OSDD to be a system anyway, and we also believe the DSM criteria is badly in need of broadening, but our therapist says we meet the criteria anyway — it really ought to be an uncontroversial fact at this point that we have alters and (some) amnesia between them. but no, we, uh *looks at notes* we just are really good at faking and tricked her 😑

—🔶Aurora and 🎀Melody